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Roberta Whipaker was a tabloid writer, and she had just eagerly accepted an assignment where she would write an article about her longtime crush and hero, Skydoesminecraft.  He had just had a fashion overhaul, and her publisher company, Live Magazines, wanted to be the first to write about it.  Roberta was highly excited about getting to be able to stalk Skydoesminecraft, and began by following him to his favorite coffee shop, Give-Us-Bucks, where Sky sat at the table closest to the window so he could heroically burst through if a squid attacked, and read Atlas Shrugged while listening to Coldplay's Atlas, which he wanted to parody while Roberta sat at a table where she could conveniently spy on him if needed.  She wrote down everything, what coffee he drank, his leopard skin overalls, the way his bald head complimented the giant, bushy eyebrows which covered his dung brown eyes and giant hook nose, and how he always pulled his pants all the way down whenever he used the urinal/sink/cash register.

When Sky was done he got up, and walked to the door with that hot limp, and went outside to take his morning walk, when suddenly a fat man ran past, snatching Sky's tie-dye man satchel, but Sky shot budder rapid fire out of his third nostril and the fat man fell down, orally expelled his innards, and died.  Sky got his purse man satchel and continued on. Roberta stayed a respectable distance.  Sky eventually went back to his house to work on his parody, while Whipaker continued to follow.  Sky's house was a mansion, made of budder, with squid torturing chambers, and a hot tub.  He realized he was being followed and confronted Whipaker.  "Who are you and why are you following me?!?" Sky asked angrily, and Whipaker replied, "I am Whipaker, your hottest fan."  "Yeah right," Sky mumbled under his breath, wishing that the 59 year old would leave him alone.  "I have some questions for you," Roberta said matter-of-factly.  "WHIPAKER! WHIPAKER! LEAVE ME ALONE, WHIPAKER!!!" sKY SHOUTED ANGRILY, CAUSING A NEARBY BABY TO CRY.(Lol I forgot to turn caps lock off, be sure to yell, "I need 2 WHIPAKER," in a public place.)  Roberta was offended by this and returned to Live HQ, where her boss Johann Stretzalburg had a fit.  Johann had had a troubled youth, always being made fun of at school because he had a name like a Baroque composer, and he became deeply afraid of orchestras, and started a tabloid empire, using it to destroy his enemies reputations.  Johann was so angry that he revealed that he was actually the leader of a squid revenge group, (Live spelled backwards is evil), and that they wanted to destroy Sky.  

Roberta rushed back to Sky to deliver the news, but security threw her out with the trash.  Inside the trash compactor she found a ring, the ring of POWER!!!  She used it to turn invisible and attempted to karate kick the guards, but her size 9001 butt got in the way and she killed Sky.  Deadlox magically appeared and gorily ripped her apart, cell by cell.  But Sky respawned and was okay, but WHIPAKER was dead forever.  They buried her next to all the other stalker fans.  Sky peed on her grave and ate the dirt in the traditional Sky Army Burial, sacrificing -9 squids and iBallisticSquid.  Everyone but -9 squids, iBallisticSquid, Johann Stretzalburg, and WHIPAKER lived happily ever after.

THE END